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09.06 :: fearful

6 Sep

Friday, September 6: A story about a time you were very afraid.

Not so much a story. An ongoing fear. One of many.

There comes a time in most marriages, usually when your baby is nearing the year and a half mark, when the discussion of a new addition comes in. I very much want Avery to have siblings. I’ve mentioned this a few times. People have started asking us when we are having the next one (nosy, nosy).

But I am afraid. Afraid of trying and not being successful. Afraid of being successful and then losing another baby. I’m afraid of the feelings that would come out. All the feelings.

Afraid of being successful and having another child. Managing two kids? Sometimes I can’t handle the one we have. All the new mom fears coming back. So. Many. Fears.

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But we make the cutest babies. I don’t want to deprive the world of more cuteness.

wonderfully weekend :: stupid hot

27 Aug

My slacker tendencies have finally creeped their way into my blogging life. Another weekend recap on…Tuesday! Whatever, I was busy.

Friday Avery had her second day in a row at the doctors’ office. She was not happy about it! Thursday she was there with Jeremy for 2.5 hours. Getting all sorts of tests done. She had a fever for a few days, and they determined she had a bacterial infection. We kept having to go back for more tests and another antibacterial shot. No fun for the poor kid.

Saturday we all got up bright and early to head over to the Minnesota Zoo. We ran the Tiger Tracks 5k. I decided the zoo is the perfect and worst place for a 5k. Perfect because it was nice and shady (we were only in the sun for 3 or 4 short periods) and the course was relatively flat. We had to run up one ramp. Too bad it was near the end. So mean. And it is the worst place for a 5k because I stopped about 5 times to look at the animals. We ran the race before the zoo opened, so no lines! While we were on the course the bears were out playing! One was swimming and the others were around the corner walking around. They were so amazing up close. Giant! I wasn’t quick enough to get any pictures while “running.” But trust me, it was awesome.

After the run, Jeremy took Avery to another doctor appointment. She got another shot and I am glad I didn’t have to be there for it. 3 days in a row is a little much for me.

While they were gone, I explored the zoo with my coworker, Erin and some of her friends that were there. Cute animal pics to follow:

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I, sadly, wasn’t able to sneak an otter in my bag.

We were there just in time to watch feeding time in the tropics fish tank. This little girl was so amazed at the man in the tank.

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how did he get in there?!

I don’t really like butterflies, but we stopped by the butterfly exhibit. There were some really colorful ones in there. I didn’t stay too long, I was terrified that one would land on me!

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so pretty

Sunday was supposed to be a date day for me and Jeremy. We dropped Avery off with my sister and went to lunch. And that’s about it. It was a billion degrees outside, so I wanted to be indoors. We couldn’t decide on anything fun to do. So Jeremy built the new grill he bought. Exciting, I know. We suck at date day.

Monday was the big day. Avery’s first trip to the Minnesota State Fair. A.K.A. my absolute favorite time of the year! This year was tough, folks. It was so hot and humid. And I just worried the whole time about how Avery was handling the weather. I just didn’t enjoy myself too much. We did manage to have some fun!

We went with my family and the babies had a blast on their first bus ride.

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checking out the new situation.

Avery loved looking out the window.

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what’s this thing?

When they got used to moving around, the babies had some fun, bothering each other of course.

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We didn’t get as many of our usual food items. I wasn’t really wanting anything hot. Erin wanted to try the corn. She was nice enough to share with Avery.

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yep, they just plopped down on the sidewalk to eat.

I did get the fried pickles. And the 1919 root beer. But not too much else, foodwise. We did get our traditional family ornament. We had a tough time deciding this year, too many cute options! We settled on the bears in a canoe.

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my favorite fair tradition.

I wanted to see Hanson that night. But I couldn’t handle the heat. We went home early. And looking at the forecast this week, Monday might be a decent day. If the weather cools off (like they are saying it will) we are going to try to redeem our fair trip. I have high standards. I am praying that the weather cooperates. I did not get enough fried foods! 😛

I have been so screwed up with my days this week. Jeremy took Monday and Tuesday off, so I am all mixed around! I hope I remember that I have to work tomorrow!

Hope you all had a great weekend!

wonderfully weekend :: august

4 Aug

Did you realize it’s August already? That seemed quick.

We were lucky to have nice weather all weekend long. So we had to take advantage of it!

Friday night = softball night. It was a beautiful evening to watch some softball. Even if we got 10 runned. And the other team was full of jerks. It’s D league softball, people. Chill the eff out.

Avery made a new BFF. His name is Basil. And he and Avery share a love for sticks and dog treats.

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here she is, feeding her new friend some grass. which he gratefully accepted.

Saturday afternoon I made my way back to the Y. After slacking off the whole summer. I’ve been somewhat active, doing some 5ks and all. But the elliptical kicked my butt. Hopefully I can get back on track. That’s the plan! I’m registered for a bunch more 5ks in the fall. I’m hoping to get to the point where I can run most of it. Preferably, without wanting to kill anyone either.

Saturday afternoon we met up with some friends at Psycho Suzi’s to celebrate a birthday. Such perfect weather! We were lucky enough to get a spot on the patio without much of a wait. And I realized that was our first time this summer out on a restaurant patio! Seriously, what have we been doing all summer?!

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me with the cutie.

Walking back to the car I took this adorable picture of my two favorites.

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these two together = best thing ever

Saturday night I got a pretty bad case of insomnia. Which is when I started this post. Hi! It’s 5:12 am. And I got out of bed at 3. Ick.

Sunday we met up with Jeremy’s family for a late lunch/early dinner. We got to sit on a patio again. Twice in one weekend! Making up for lost time, I guess.

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so many minions, so little time…

And Sunday evening was laundry and blogging. And trying to stay awake until bedtime. Very difficult after a night of insomnia.

I hope you all had a great weekend and got to enjoy some time outside!

*J

world breastfeading week

4 Aug

Or as I like to call it: The Week Where I Feel Really Shitty About Myself.

I’m just going to be honest here, write about my own feelings and experiences. I’m not trying to start any crazy debate or arguments. These are feelings I still struggle with. And I’m a little scared to hit the “publish” button. 🙂

I fully intended on breastfeeding Avery. Like 10 minutes after she was born, she latched on like a pro. We were going to rock this.  And we rocked it. For 4 weeks. Fail.

I’m not entirely sure where it all started falling apart. Because it’s hard to remember events correctly when you are only allowed 2 hours of sleep here and there. If you are lucky. But I do remember crying about it. A lot. I tried to pep myself up by reminding myself that we are doing the best we can. A happy, healthy baby is the most important thing. She will be perfectly fine if she bottle feeds. Apparently not everyone believes that…

Did you know that when you have a baby people think they can ask you the most personal [inappropriate] questions? Yes, having a baby gives people the right to ask you, a total stranger, things that are none of their business. And then they will judge you no matter your response. It’s fun.

A couple of weeks after I became a miserable failure at feeding my child, I was at a graduation party. I was taking Avery somewhere quiet to do a diaper change. On my way, we ran into a woman who had a baby that looked a couple of months older than Avery. She asked how old she was (6 weeks) complimented her (she’s very cute) and then said, “So you’re still breastfeeding then?” Whoa, Lady I’ve Never Met! Back off. I was too shocked to come back with a bitchy comment that I just said, “Nope. We did for a bit and it didn’t work out for us.” She looked at me like I had sprouted another arm or something. Confused shock. And I walked away. But even more than a year after the fact, I still feel the same shame as that day. How (and more importantly, why) does that comment and reaction still stick with me? Maybe because it was the first time I was judged for my parenting choice. By a stranger, no less.

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clearly suffering from being forced to eat from a bottle.

I think the guilt would have faded away quicker if people were to be encouraging of both types of feeding. Not just breastfeeding. I feel like there is no support for bottle feeding mothers. And it still makes me sad.

At the Doctor: Are you breastfeeding? Yes. Good for you. The next visit: Are you still breastfeeding? No. Oh…

Breast is best. I know it is. But thanks for making me feel like I’m not doing what’s best for my child. As a new parent questing every. single. little. thing, that makes everything better.

Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural. Sorry, I’ll be over here feeding my monster-child. Avert your eyes!!

Aaagh! So much guilt. Guilty for bottle feeding. Guilt because I really loved getting the extra sleep while Jeremy fed Avery. 5 hours in a row felt magical. Guilt that I was feeling guilt. Maybe I just need professional help? Don’t answer that. 🙂

This isn’t to say that I didn’t have a good support system. Because I did. And still do. My family and friends never made it an issue and enjoyed getting the chance to feed Avery. Because bottle or breast, feeding is a unique bonding experience. I’m mostly saying that as a new parent who is already thinking she is doing everything wrong, it would have been nice to have a little outside validation. Any amount.

And would never say that we shouldn’t celebrate breastfeeding. Because it can be so hard and a huge struggle and we should applaud every success! Your body is doing amazing work! Keep it up, Mama!

But when World Breastfeeding Week comes around, I get 7 whole days of remembering how I wasn’t good enough to be in your club.

So next time you see a mom with a young child, feeding them with a bottle, tell her she’s doing a good job. Because I promise you she hasn’t heard that encouragement about her choice. Ever.

After writing this I found some amazing articles. The I Support You movement is a beautiful thing. Read about it HERE HERE and HERE.

too many cute things.

25 Jul

There are too many cute things going on with Avery. I think I have updated my Facebook (click the link and let’s be friends) status 10 times today already. So I thought I’d throw together a blog post instead.

Last night we were hard at work trying to get Avery to walk. We went outside with her rockin’ motorcycle. Way cute.

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fist pump!

I love this thing. It sings cute songs and has a little horn button. Plus, the seat can be put down so she can ride it like a little bike.

After I took this picture, we went into the grass to walk a little more. And we got her to take 3 steps! In a row!!

After we went inside, we took her in the hallway and she took a few steps at a time there too. Like, 4 separate times! Maybe she will be walking before she is 16 months old. Please. We have a check up today, so it will be nice to finally be able to say that she has taken steps on her own. Progress, people.

This morning I ordered tickets to the Matt Nathanson concert in November. I’m hoping to redeem myself after the fiasco at the Basilica. The tickets were $27. And Ticketmaster was kind enough to charge me a $14.50 service fee. Per ticket. That seems a bit excessive, even for them. I hate hate hate giving them all that money.

I also forget that Avery is a little parrot now. She was reaching for my coffee (I still haven’t learned my lesson with this. At least it’s always cool when she gets to it.) and I rushed over to her saying, “No No No NO NO!” I got to her before she made a mess. But she has been happily saying, “no no no no” the rest of the morning. So that’s fun.

Now she is happily watching some Sesame Street. As close as she can get to the TV.

*J

wonderfully weekend :: books books books!

22 Jul

Hello again, beginning of the week. Please be kind.

Our weekend was pretty good. Friday I signed up for another 5k. Miles for Melanoma. I have a page that you can check out and donate, if you wish. My goal is $100. It would be awesome to meet that goal. I have never raised that much by myself before. So wish me luck. Or donate. 🙂

Friday night Avery and I went to watch Jeremy play softball. It was finally cooling down and felt so nice to be outside. We had been cooped up inside for days. I love the heat, but it sucks to take Avery anywhere in it. I get paranoid that she is overheating.

Saturday we took Avery to Barnes &  Noble. Her first time at a book store. I was excited because she loves books. Borderline obsessed. A fact that I am very proud of! I hope that I pass my love of reading on to her. And we are off to a great start. So I knew she would love the book store. And I was right.

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she wishes she lived here

She was so excited. She was yelling and squealing. Good thing we weren’t at the library. Her jaw was on the floor for a few minutes. Then she kept grabbing and wanting all. the. books. We obliged.

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I can’t get over how cute she was carrying around this book. Here she is waiting in the check out line.

I bought her a couple of my favorites from when I was younger. Put Me in the Zoo and Harry the Dirty Dog. Plus about 5 others. They were just as much for me as for her. I don’t know what I will do if I have to read Goodnight Minnesota another 8 times in a row. We also signed her up for her first Kids Club. She is growing up so fast! *sob*

After the bookstore, we walked over to Chipotle for lunch. Yum. Avery tried guacamole for the first time. And she loved it. So now I have to share… 😛

Saturday night we went on a family walk/bike ride. Which ended horribly. Avery was yelling like I was torturing her. She doesn’t realize that she has it so good. I would love to sit in a cushy stroller and be pushed around a lake on a beautiful evening. Lovely evening cut short. Good thing I restocked the fridge with beer the day before. While Jeremy gave her a bath, I got to relax a bit. And I basically spammed a friend on Untappd. I was obsessed with getting another badge. By the end of the evening I had unlocked 3. Worth it.

Sunday we just did boring stuff. Cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping. You know, everyday life. : )

Hope you all had a great weekend!

*J

behind the #tbt :: adjusted

11 Jul

This weeks #tbt is going to be a little different. And maybe long-winded.

I love tattoos. I have two. The first one is a star on my foot. My mom and I got matching ones together when I was 21.

Jeremy hates tattoos. I know it’s my body and I can do what I want with it, but his opinion is important to me. I have had a few ideas for new ones in my head for a few years now. And I have always wanted something to represent my future children.

Two years ago I got this tattoo to remember [like I could forget] my baby in heaven.

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I chose purple because we never found out weather the baby was a boy or girl. I was 100% convinced the baby was a girl. So I don’t mind if the blue + pink = a bit of a girly shade.

Yesterday was the first time Avery has noticed it. Or the first time I noticed her noticing it. She “oohh”-ed and started petting it. Then she kissed it and started talking to it. For a while. I was just kind of frozen there. She seemed like she didn’t even know I was there. And had her own little conversation.

I like to think Avery was talking to her sibling. I know that’s so impossible, but it warms my heart to think she was having this great conversation with him/her.

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wonderfully weekend :: it was a stormy one

24 Jun

Happy Monday, friends! I hope everyone had a great weekend. Here’s what I did…

Thursday night (yes, I’m starting my weekend on Thursday. Just like the good old days!) Jeremy and I got to enjoy a night out with some friends. We went brewery hopping in Northeast. It was a nice, hot night. Perfect for beer consumption!

First stop was Indeed. They had a lot of space inside, but we went to sit on the patio. The patio is decent sized and there were a lot of people already out for the night. I tried the Shenanigans Summer Ale. Jeremy had the Day Tripper Pale Ale. I liked my beer better. So win!

They had the Anchor Fish & Chips food truck in the parking lot. So delicious! I could eat there everyday.

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mmmmm, beer.

We walked over to 612Brew from there. This was my first time there. And I love it. The outside patio area is so nice, you almost forget you are in a warehousey area. And inside the bar it is so spacious. With super comfy chairs. And board games. Love.

I had the Mary Ann, which is a ginger beer. See what they did there? Mary Ann, Ginger? Heh. It was quite tasty. Jeremy had the Tequila Mockingbird. And oh, man! That is one tasty beer. It is now one of my favorites. Too bad it is seasonal! We will have to go back before it’s gone.

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two delicious drinks

Sadly, Jeremy and I had to go home. On the walk back to the car we had to wait for the train. I don’t think I’ve ever had to do that on foot before. Pretty cool.

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my artsy shot of the night.

Friday I went into work for a few hours. Nothing fancy. That night Jeremy’s softball games were cancelled because of the crazy ass storms that cam through. Thankfully we kept our power all weekend!

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she was all about books this weekend!

Saturday we went to Prior Lake for my cousin’s grad party. Fun times. Avery wasn’t a fan of going in the lake. Water must have still been too cold.

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That night I bribed my mom to babysit. We had power, she didn’t. Pretty simple. : ) Jeremy and I went to see “This is the End.” A very good choice. So funny! All the way home I kept chuckling ti myself thinking about different scenes. I think this was the first movie we have seen in a theater in months! Felt so good.

Sunday we went to a root beer float party. 1919 from a keg. Perfect summertime drink! Avery got her first root beer float. She seemed to enjoy it.

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delish!

Then we did all the boring Sunday things. Laundry, grocery shopping, blah blah.

Hoping this week goes by fast so we can have some weekend fun times again!

*Jen

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